


Never Assume (Remix of going up?)

by Fullmetalcarer



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: Charles Is a Big Dorkface, Charles You Slut, Elevator, Erik Being Cocky, Erik is a Sweetheart, Erik is a lizard person, Honestly Charles What Are You Thinking, Other, WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-05-30 08:36:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15093119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fullmetalcarer/pseuds/Fullmetalcarer
Summary: Charles fixates on a devastingly attractive lizard person who shares his turbo-lift and makes certain assumptions about their linguistic skills . . .





	Never Assume (Remix of going up?)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [annejumps](https://archiveofourown.org/users/annejumps/gifts).
  * Inspired by [going up?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4708166) by [annejumps](https://archiveofourown.org/users/annejumps/pseuds/annejumps). 



The first time Charles saw the being, Charles wasn't entirely sure he hadn't imagined them.

He nudged Moira, who made a disgruntled noise and muttered something about "sharp elbows".

"Am I hallucinating?"

Moira stared at him uncomprehendingly. He gestured - discreetly - at the being.

"What are you talking about? You've seen Saurians before haven't you?"

"Yes, but not one that looked like that."

"Like what?"

"Like some ancient, glorious lizard-god who demands virgin sacrifices and, oh, I'd kill to be a sacrifice."

Moira's face took on a familiar expression. It was the expression she wore whenever she thought Charles was being particularly idiotic.

"Firstly, I'm pretty sure that's speciesist. Secondly, if it's a virgin sacrifice they want, you are severely disqualified. Thirdly, I happen to know - "

"Ssshhh, they're talking."

The Saurian was using their implanted bonefone. There was a lot of hissing and clicking in a deep timbre that flicked some primitive switch in Charles' brain. With most humans that switch would have activated their fight/flight response. With Charles it triggered his I-wanna-fuck-it response.

Saurians had reptilian ancestors. Some humans had to struggle against a primal fear of snakes to work with them. Charles had always liked snakes and found Saurians aesthetically pleasing. He'd idly wondered what it would be like to fuck one, because, well, he was a slut and they had three genders, which he couldn't help but find intriguing. Most Saurians you saw were male or female, shorter than Charles and with a subdued colouration. This Saurian was one of the much rarer intermediates. Take a lizard. Stand it on its hind legs. Make it a tad over six feet tall. Make it look quite humanoid. Give it a crest of fine feathers in a fetching shade of auburn. Give it smooth, silvery scales and thin, curvy lips. Give it emerald green eyes with black slits for pupils. Now consider the elegant planes of its face and the lithe muscle of its body, a body barely concealed by a complicated arrangement of black straps, fastened with multi-coloured jewels. Oh, and it had a long, flexible tail, tapering to a fine point.

"I think I'm in love," muttered Charles.

"I think you're in lust, which is your default state," retorted Moira.

The turbo-lift arrived. They got in. The Saurian stopped talking and followed them.

"Which floor do you require?" asked the elevator in Standard.

"Four hundred," answered Charles, also in Standard.

"Three hundred and twenty-seven," said the Saurian, in excellent Standard with a bit of a click at the end.

Charles tried not to stare too hard as the elevator accelerated away. It stopped at several floors and various people got in and out. From two hundred and fifty-three it was just Charles, Moira and the lizard-god, who talked on their fone in Saurian for most of the ride.

"Floor three hundred and twenty-seven," chirped the elevator.

As the Saurian stepped out, Charles couldn't resist smiling and saying, in English, "Off you go to your temple to be worshipped as the deity you are."

The Saurian cocked their head to one side and drew back its lips to reveal two rows of razor sharp teeth. The elevator doors closed.

"Charles - " began Moira.

"Oh come on, it's just a bit of harmless fun and it's not like a Saurian's going to understand English. I mean, plenty of humans don't, so why would a Saurian?"

The elevator announced their floor.

"Look, before you get yourself into deep shit - "

Moira never completed that sentence because Emma was on them the moment they stepped out of the turbo-lift. Apparently the raidaT trade agreement would break down irretrievably if Charles and Moira didn't commune with the commizaR RIGHT NOW.

Early next morning they were waiting for the turbo-lift again. No sign of the Saurian. Charles pouted and complained.

"Oh shut up, Xavier. You're lucky they're not here. That fang flashing probably meant they wanted to eat you."

"They could eat me up and I'd die happy. Anyway, showing the teeth while hissing is a Saurian threat, but grinning plus a head tilt means 'hello, these are my many sharp and scary teeth, I'm showing them to you to impress you with my suitability for breeding'."

Moira snorted.

"You're making that up. For all you know Saurians find us repulsive."

"Oh no they don't. They think we're cute, if a bit lacking in the scales, tail and gender department."

A slow smile dawned on Moira's face. Well, where else would it dawn? Her ass?

"Charles, you did research."

Charles' cheeks reddened. He was saved by the arrival of the turbo-lift. In they got and the doors began to close. There was barely a centimetre between them (the doors, not Charles and Moira) when the tip of a silvery tail stopped them closing. They opened to reveal the Saurian in all its glory.

"Wow, that tail certainly comes in handy. I wonder what else you can do with it?" said Charles in English.

The Saurian did a head-bob-teeth-flash.

"They're definitely attracted to me."

A multitude of micro expressions flitted over Moira's lovely face and settled into a sly grin.

"Tell me more, Charles."

He would've but several people got in, some of them humans who he knew spoke English, so he had to shut up. There were just the three of them when they got to the Saurian's floor so he said:

"Bye, bye gorgeous. Enjoy the adulation of your adoring acolytes."

Teeth and a head tilt.

"Oh, it so wants me Moira."

The Saurian rode up with them every morning after that. Moira had stopped with the disapproval and almost seemed to be encouraging Charles in his one sided English conversation. She seemed to find it most amusing, which was understandable, because Charles was nothing if not witty, but somehow he couldn't shake the feeling she was laughing at rather than with him.

Charles was careful to look at Moira when making his comments. He didn't want the Saurian to guess they were being discussed, partly because he didn't want to get caught out - though that wasn't much if a risk when the gorgeous creature didn't speak English - and partly because he didn't want the Saurian to feel uncomfortable.

"Just look at their outfit today. I thought the black straps were delish, but that form-fitting, sparkly, blue number is divine. They really are a god. Or do I mean goddess? Both I guess."

Moira made a sort of snorting, choking, gasping noise.

The next morning, when the Saurian was chatting on its fone:

"Stars, that sounds like sex, doesn't it? Just imagine them making those noises in a more, ah, intimate setting."

The following day:

"I hope the male and female Saur - oops, they might recognise that, I mean, members of the same species - appreciate their intermediates because if they all look like this one those girls and boys are very, very lucky indeed."

Moira rolled her eyes.

The end of the working week:

"Mandatory rest day tomorrow. I'm going to miss you, you beautiful, beautiful person. You deserve your rest though. It must be tiring being that stunning."

As the Saurian got out of the elevator, Charles switched to Standard and addressed them directly.

"Happy rest day my elevator acquaintance."

The Saurian gazed straight at him with those hypnotic eyes.

"Happy rest day human male and also human female."

Their sibilant voice was even sexier in Standard than Saurian.

If Charles spent most of his rest day studying Saurian culture, with a particular emphasis on physiology, that was nobody's business but his own.

Day 8 - Xavier on Xenobiology: "Look at that musculature. Do you think Saurians go to gym? Maybe they keep fit by chasing potential mates. Wouldn't get much exercise with me coz I'd trip over the first tree root I could find."

Day 9 - Turbo-lift TED Talk: "Perhaps they're the Saurian equivalent of an underwear model."

Day 10 - Charles Chats: "Now I know where the phrase 'snake hips' comes from."

Day 11 - Elevator Exposition: "I suppose some species are just gifted by genetics. Wonderful things, genes. Beautiful things. They're Exhibit A."

Day 12 - Fashion Forward: "I'd like to tear those straps off with my teeth."

Day 13 - Unlucky for Some: "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more - "

Charles came to an abrupt halt because Armando had got into the lift.

"Hi Moira. Hi Charles," he said in English. Then, turning to the Saurian, he continued, still in English, "Hi Errikk. How are the treaty negotiations going?"

"Exceedingly well, thank you. We have finally reached agreement on the disputed border systems and everything is in place for a peaceful and fair settlement."

The Saurian's - Errikk's - English was perfect. Some hissing on the sibilants, a click on the hard consonants, but otherwise absolutely immaculate.

"That's great news. You do good work my friend. Ah, here's my floor. See you around, Errikk. You too, Moira and Charles."

Charles made no response because his brain and vocal cords seemed to be frozen. Moira managed to choke out a farewell then, as the doors closed on Armando, collapsed on the floor, wailing with laughter. Errikk, eyes fixed on Charles, made a surprisingly high pitched squeaking noise.

"Oh, stars! That was so worth it. I was starting to think I couldn't take another second of you being such a pathetic, ridiculous moron. Stopping myself having hysterics every morning was a serious strain, I kid you not. I've known you do some hideously embarrassing things, Charles, but you've really surpassed yourself this time."

Charles blushed fierily and looked from Moira, who had tears steaming down her face, to Errikk, who'd stopped squeaking and was grinning with all their gleaming teeth, then back to Moira.

"You . . . you knew," he stammered.

Moira clambered to her feet and dried her eyes.

"Yep. I met Errikk on a previous mission. I remember being impressed with how good their English was."

"Why didn't you tell me?" demanded Charles.

"I tried to that first day but you wouldn't let me speak and then we got interrupted. Errikk foned me that evening and enquired about the peculiar human and asked me not to tell you."

They'd reached Errikk's floor. Charles felt he should apologise but the enormity of his idiocy was sinking in and he could barely look at Errikk, never mind talk to them. No, the best thing to do would be to go up to the roof and throw himself off, taking Moira with him, that evil traitor.

"Elevator, please wait," said Errikk in Standard.

They looked at Charles with those emerald eyes, pupils an abyss into which Charles was falling. They looked extremely stern. Oh fuck, Errikk was going to tell Charles off, maybe threaten him with the ethics board. Shit, perhaps he'd caused an inter-species incident. Shit, fuck, shit, Sauria was going to war with Earth and it was all Charles' fault. And Moira's. Mostly Moira's. Totally Moira's.

"Charlesss, since you expressed an interest, let me show you what I can do with my tail," said Errikk in English.

Errikk's tail flipped up and wrapped round Charles' wrist like a cool, pleasantly textured, powerfully muscled bracelet. Errikk drew him inexorably toward the doors.

"Moira! Help!"

Instead of helping, Moira gave him a shove that pushed him out of the turbo-lift. Charles gave a despairing cry, Moira waved goodbye, the doors closed and he was alone with Errikk.

"Please don't eat me."

Errikk squeaked again. Saurian laughter.

"We're vegetarians."

"Oh, yes, of course."

Silence.

Charles was intensely aware of the weight of both Errikk's tail and their gaze. He took a deep breath.

"I'm so very, very, very sorry. I'm an ill-mannered fool and I'm ashamed of myself. I don't know what you must think of me. However low your opinion, it can't be any lower than my own. I don't know what I can say or do to make up for my disgraceful behaviour."

"You have been, perhaps, a little foolish, Charlesss, but ill-mannered? On the contrary, you were highly complimentary. I seem to recall you thought me god-like."

Charles groaned.

"You spoke favourably of my figure, voice, genetics and clothing. What was it you desired to do with my garment? Ah, yes, you wished to remove it with your teeth."

"I'm unbelievably, excessively, overwhelmingly sorry, Errikk."

"No enquiries about my employment as a Saurian underwear model? I am afraid I have to disappoint you. I am not an underwear model. I am the senior Saurian treaty and trade negotiator for this quadrant. And Saurians do not wear underwear."

Charles was just about to launch into yet another passionate apology when it hit him. Okay, Errikk was a different species, but Charles knew flirting when he heard it and that line about not wearing underwear was a definite come on. Errikk's tail twined up Charles' arm towards his elbow; loops of muscular, scaled flesh tickling his skin and raising goosebumps.

Charles ran his forefinger over the tip of Errikk's tail. It quivered. Errikk's tongue flicked out to taste the air. It was forked and pale pink and long. Very long. Charles had some thoughts about that.

"Is there anything I can do to repair Saurian/Terran relations?"

He gave them his best wide-eyed innocent look.

"You could come to dinner with me, Charles. I promise not to bite."

"You shouldn't make promises you can't keep."

Errikk squeaked with laughter. For a tall, muscular lizard-god with terrifyingly sharp teeth they were actually kind of adorable. Their tail tightened round his wrist and they drew Charles closer. Stars, Errikk smelt good; like a forest in springtime. Their forked tongue flickered out. Charles wasn't quite sure if Saurians kissed, but it looked like he was about to find out.

At which point the turbo-lift doors opened and umpteen people of various species poured out. Simultaneously several dozen Saurians appeared round the curve of the corridor and headed determinedly for the elevator. Caught in the meleè, Errikk lost their grip and Charles was swept into the lift.

"Dinner, next rest day, 1900 hours, the rooftop restaurant, Charlesss," hissed Errikk.

"Got it. See you there. Wear the tight, blue, sparkly tunic."

Errikk squeaked adorably and waved their tail. Charles waved both hands, to the annoyance of his fellow passengers. The door closed. Charles concentrated and called up Moira on his fone. She didn't answer, so he left her an obscene and insulting message that ended with:

"I hate you and I'll never forgive you. See you tomorrow morning at Xaxi's. I've got so much to tell you, not that you deserve to hear it, but I've got to tell someone so it'll have to be you, my greatest enemy, apart from myself that is."

It turned out Saurians do kiss and with that tongue it was truly spectacular.


End file.
